i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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