So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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