Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
