We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
