Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize