Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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