I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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