is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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