she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
