Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
