I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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