You smell like a Billy Joel song
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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