Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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