508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
