My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
