Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
