Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
