I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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