Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize