i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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