I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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