My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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