Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
