maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
