Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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