Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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