You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
