Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
