I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ketchup is God's man juice
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
