Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
