drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
