ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
