You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
