the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
