Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize