Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
