She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
