I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
