If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck appropriateness.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize