I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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