He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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