i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
