It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
