Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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