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The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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