i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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