I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When did angry sex become our thing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
