It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
