brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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