I think I won the penis lottery.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
