it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
