the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
