Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize