thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
