I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
