I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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