the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
