Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
