He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
