How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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