a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
