Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
