Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
