You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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