I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
