i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
