Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
