He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
