Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
