I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize