you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have fence marks all over my body
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
