My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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