Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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