I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
