She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
