I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
