omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
