Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I AM VODKA MAN
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
