i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
